Life Enrichment Christian Counseling Center
Counseling Help #1:
A Loose Paraphrase of
Matthew 7;1-5 and
James 4;11-12
By Jeffrey D. Stark
(Finished)
As a professional biblical
counselor of 38 years I have had opportunity to counsel many hundreds
of quarreling individuals, marriages and families. Also, as an
ordained Elder for 33 years I have also been called upon over those
many years to assist in the counseling and disciplining of
congregants who fail to resolve their disputes and quarrels with
other congregants. Lastly, my own marriage and family of 35 years has
been the occasion for many marital conflicts as well as conflicts
with my four children. The conflicts, disputes and quarreling that
have been brought to me by these three different venues (vocation,
ministry and home life) have an amazing number of similarities. I
have also found the scriptures sufficient in addressing those
similarities.
There are two passages that I
have found particularly helpful in understanding the Lords will as it
relates to inter-relational conflicts, whether they be marital,
family or otherwise. These two passages are written below. Below
these quoted passages will be my extended paraphrasing of what I
believe these passages are actually teaching. My paraphrase will be a
blending of the extended meanings contained in each passage as
opposed to a verse by verse explanation. Below the paraphrasing with
be a few assignments to be considered by the reader in light of the
truths contained in these two passages.
My hope in paraphrasing these
passages is that there will be a better and deeper understanding of
these crucial passages, and that in understanding applying these
truths to ones own heart, greater love and unity will be evident in
marriages, families and in the church.
“Do
not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge
others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be
measured to you.
Why do you look at the
speck of sawdust in your brothers eye and pay no attention to the
beam in your own eye? How can you say,'Let me take the speck out of
your eye,' when all the time there is a beam in your own eye? You
hypocrite, first take the beam out of your own eye, and then you will
see clearly to remove the speck from your brothers eye.
(Matthew 7;1-5)
“Brothers,
do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against his brother or
judges him speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the
law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. There is
only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save destroy. But
you- who are you to judge your neighbor?”
(James 4; 11, 12)
Paraphrase:
“Do
NOT judge, condemn, attack, slander or be critical to another person
AS THOUGH YOU ARE INNOCENT! You are never in a state of innocence!
You are at all times under the presence (and many times, particularly
when in disputes, under the control) of sin. There is only one person
who is entirely and always free from the influence and control of
sin. It's not you! That person is Jesus Christ, the only Lawgiver and
Judge. Be warned: when you judge, condemn, slander, or are critical
of others all
the while thinking of yourself as innocent,
you displace Jesus in your heart and put yourself as the only
Lawgiver and Judge! Are you crazy? Who are you to judge your neighbor
in this way that is reserved for God alone?
If
you choose to do this (that is, judge and are critical of others'
behavior as though you are innocent and to judge
without a shred of mercy),
your own behavior will be judged by God in the same way (without
mercy) on the Day of Judgment. If you choose to be critical of others
as though you are innocent, with that same perfect standard of
measurement you will be measured on the Day of Judgment.
Also,
and this is important: BEFORE you address the faults and sins of
anyone (spouse, children, neighbor, enemy, etc), I want you to
understand this truth: YOU are the chief of sinners, not the other
person. How much sin and fault can you really understand about the
other person for a short period of time compared to seeing your own
heart and behavioral sins of a lifetime?
I want you to be fully convinced of this truth BEFORE you address the
other persons faults; that the quantity and quality of your own sins
are a massive, gigantic beam compared to the splinter that you know
of about the other persons sins. If you see it the other way around,
you are a hypocrite and a faker, pretending to be something on the
outside (“I'm better than you!”) that you aren't on the inside.
ONLY AFTER you have discovered this “beam” in your own life and
repented of it are you permitted to address the other person about
there (smaller) faults.”
Assignment:
Each day and for next 30
straight days do the following:
1) Every day “Ask...”
(James 1;5) the Lord to give you the “wisdom that comes down from
heaven” as it relates to you, your understanding of these verses,
and how they apply to you and your relationships.
2) Read slowly one sentence
(at a time) written in the paraphrase. Write down the verse and its
meaning in your own words. Next, write down how the truth of this
sentence applies to you and your relationships with spouse, children,
extended family, church members and enemies. Take notes as you write
the answers to this assignment. Do this each day with one sentence in
the paraphrase until your finished with all the sentences. Once
finished with all the sentences, start again and do the same
assignment with each of the sentences.
For example:
“Do
NOT judge, condemn, attack, slander or be critical of another person
as though you are innocent”
a) Explain/write this verse in
my own words;
This verse is teaching me that
when I am just speaking to others, or are having a quarrel and
dispute with another person (like my wife or one of my children) in
some way or another I must not presume I am innocent. I should not
address anyone else faults assuming that I am am in a state of
innocence. This is a command from Jesus.
b) How does this
verse/sentence apply to me?
I
need to believe and remember that I am not an innocent bystander or
participant. I am never without the influence of my own sinful heart.
Now seeing that that is true, I can now see how that has been
evidenced in the way I behave or react in relationship disputes
(defensive, arguing, critical, slander, angry, hateful, attacking,
rude, yelling, unkind, bringing up past sins, etc).
3) During those 30 days make a
list of people you have judged or been critical of as though you are
innocent. Make a plan to admit this fault to them and to ask their
forgiveness.
4) How can you begin
practicing seeing the beam in your own eye BEFORE you criticize
others?
5) How does the good news of
the gospel help us as we seek to understand and learn from these
passages? (For example, see Romans 5; 17, 20)
